A Voice of My Own

I’ve been kind of quiet the last few days. Eric is away for work and Aaron and I are over at my dad’s cat included. We’ve been keeping busy and seeing family and friends.  Aaron has good days and bad days with the tantrums. Yesterday my dad and I walked with him down to a park that I used to play at as a little girl. Never in a million years did I think that Aaron would be playing in and around the same things I did as a little girl. I have happy memories of this place and now he will too.

At this park I saw a former friend of mine with her kids. She has a son a few months younger than Aaron and a baby. It wasn’t a reunion of “Hey how the heck are?! Are these your kids? They sure are cute.” It was a glare/glance across the way. Thankfully, Aaron never migrated to where her kids were playing and we didn’t have to interact. She wasn’t a good friend, at the time I thought she was.  But she wasn’t and a whole sleugh of memories came flooding back.

She was never a happy person and was always complaining about every little thing and she liked to talk behind peoples back mine included. (Of course there is always run of the mill gossip that is normal between teen girls, but she was pretty bad and would always laugh while talking behind someone’s back.) She took it a step further with me and if I showed interest in a guy she’d usually go for him or make her rounds before I got a chance too. 

Seeing her just brought back all the old memories some good, most bad. She succeeded in taking a couple of friends too. Even into our 20’s she still had stuff to say that got back to me. I don’t know what I ever did to her to make her spite me, but she is a hateful and unhappy person. To this day I still don’t know if she slept with my high school boyfriend. They both maintain they didn’t but there is something about a look that can give you away. After Eric and I were dating a few of us were hanging out one night and the numbers game up. As in how many partners we had all had. The look that they gave each other had guilt written all over it. And the events of the time it made sense. For him it would be getting back at me for my transgressions, for her it would be having something of mine.

I dont’ know why I am writing this. I wish I could just forget her. Even at the park she kept looking at me and as my dad pointed out as she walked away she kept looking back at me as if she was gossiping about me to the mommy friend she was with. I can let sleeping dogs lie, she can’t.

Today Aaron and I met some friends at an indoor climbing place. It’s the same structures that they have in the McDonald’s play place. This place has a rule on weekends parents aren’t able to climb with thier kids.  I don’t particularly like this rule.  I was hesitant to take Aaron as he is only 22 months old and a little young for it. My friend convinced me that he was old enough and his son went there at the same age.

I was worried that he would be bowled over by bigger rougher kids or would get stuck. So when we arrived I ushered him to a climbing hill with bumps and watched him climb up. Within minutes he was up the first level while I worriedly watched like a mother hen. He immersed himself in the structure. Later he came down a slide with a little girl who was about 6 who took him under her wing. After that he wandered around and found a water fountain to play with. Oh what great fun this was.

I again showed him where to climb up but this time he wanted to go up a level and I watched as kids kept passing him while he motioned that he wanted up because these plat forms were waist level and beyond his climbing capabilities.  I thought he might cry, but he just went a different route.

I’ve been in these structures with him once before when we were over in Vancouver and it just bothers me so much that I wasn’t able to help him go where he wanted to. It’s not about being with him every step of the way, but not being able to help him do something that would bring him joy. I know had he been able too, he would’ve gone down the triple slides over and over again. He missed out on an opportunity due to a rule. I really don’t understand why parents can’t be up there when it is busy it’s not as though 20 adults are going up there for their own pleasure but to help their kids.

When did I go from being a new mom wondering if I’d ever smell like anything other than breast milk and baby vomit to letting Aaron climb in a play structure unaided? 2 years ago Aaron looked like this:

and

Tags: Food

Aaron and I were on the go today and we weren’t going to get home in time for lunch. I was going to stop by Raunchy Ron’s but we happened to be near a Subway so I opted for the healthier choice.

I wanted a grilled cheese for my guy or in this case a piece of bread with some cheese. And that’s what I got. Approximately 4 inches of bread and 2 slices of cheddar. They charged me $2.72! Who can justify that? The woman possibly the manager who rang me in said they had changed the menu and the prices and techincally what I got wasn’t on the menu.

Well you bet I’ll be writting an email to Subway, possibly a letter and asking to speak with the store owner and I’ll think again before eating there. I know they’re more expensive for the health factor but $2.72 for a piece of bread and 2 triangle slices of cheese??? The kicker Aaron didn’t even eat it. Next time I’ll stick with my orginal plan and go to McDonald’s. I feel I would’ve gotten more value had I attempted to flush $2.72 worth of change down the toliet. At least there’s the entertainment aspect.

Tags: rip-off, Subway

My love of Frank’s RedHot Sauce that is. This post isn’t sponsored I just love the stuff that much. But forgot about Frank until he and I got reacquainted the other night when Eric and I went out.

I haven’t had him since we lived at the condo so sometime around when I got pregnant. Seeing how hot peppers and pregnancy don’t get jive (you know the whole pregnancy induced heartburn) and neither do spicy foods and breast feeding. Unfortunately Frank got left behind.

Hell I’d drink him if I could. (Yes, we already know there is something seriously wrong with me people) But it’s a tad expensive. In my quest to go 30 days without dairy I hit up theie website to fin an ingredients list, but failed. I did, however find this recipe and I nearly wet myself. I. Can. Not. Wait. To. Freaking. Try .This.

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: –

Ingredients:

1/3 cup FRENCH’S® Dijon Mustard

1/3 cup reduced-sodium vegetable broth

1/3 cup peanut butter

2 tablespoons teriyaki sauce

2 tablespoons FRANK’S® REDHOT® Original Cayenne Pepper Sauce or more to taste

2 cups thinly sliced vegetables such as green onion, snow peas, cucumber or bell peppers

1 1/2 cups cooked thin spaghetti (4 ounces uncooked)

Cooking Directions:

1. Combine mustard, broth, peanut butter, teriyaki sauce and FRANK’S® REDHOT® Original Cayenne Pepper Sauce in large bowl; whisk until blended.

2. Add remaining ingredients; toss to coat. Serve immediately. If desired, serve on salad greens.

Makes 4 servings (1 1/4 cups dressing)

Tip: This salad can be made into a main course by adding 2 cups diced cooked turkey or chicken 

The only change I think I will make is that I will sauté the veggies a bit but not too much so they remain crunchy. 

I think it’s safe to assume that Frank’s is dairy free. As is this recipe. It’s also vegetarian and vegan and can be gluten free if you change the noodles to rice noodles or egg noodles. Not every one would think this is good food, but I do. I hope it somehow resembles the Spicy Peanut Noodle Box that I get with Tofu at the Noodle Box.

I am impatiently awaiting Eric’s arrival home so I can slather this all over tonight’s dinner. I already have the Gaviscon handy.

Not. I’m home from my naturopath appointment. The verdict: no dairy for a month. Dr. Naturopath seems to think from my symptomology (a big fancy word he used more than once which would means health history) that I have a dairy allergy.

Am I willing to do this? You bet. Do I love my dairy? I sure do. Am I tired of being fatigued, moody, irritable and suffering from chronic sinitis and rhinitis? Yup. Do I like to try new things such as new foods and recipes? Definitely. This is could be a recipe for success if I am willing to stick it. But this dairy connoisseur loves me my dips, cheeses and spreads.

The only problem I can see is my lack of motivation and reaching for an easy snack. I don’t always have the best ideas when it comes to new recipes. But Dr. Naturopath seems to think this may account for a lot of my problems. I know I have definite mood or depression disorder so I am trying to do something about it. We talked about a natural supplement antidepressant 5HTP(sp?) he said he could put me on it but if I were to simultaneously start my dairy free diet go on this supplement we wouldn’t know what would be the cause or underlying issues to my health concerns. I’m to have a follow up appointment in a month’s time.

I don’t want to try this supplement at this time as when I went on Zoloft for my post partum depression we moved a week later so I really don’t know what to attribute my improved mood too.

Am I a bit skeptical? Yes. Do I smell a rat? I don’t know. He seemed to know his stuff; he came recommended by a regular doctor (MD) at a walk-in clinic. He did use big fancy words to illustrate how my immune and digestive systems are allergic to dairy. The only one I remember is cytokine which I remember from my medical terminology. I can’t remember exactly how he explained it; I also got the feeling that he has a bit of a superior air to him.

I’ve had other friends use naturopaths who’ve been put on dairy and wheat free diets at the same time. Dr. Naturopath says this is hard to do and I wonder if and the next time I see him it will be something else.

I’ll do the dairy free thing a try and try to be diligent. I left Dr. Naturopath’s office with a list of foods and ingredients to avoid. I came home with Earth’s Best Margarine and Almond Milk. So I’m on the right track… starting tomorrow as were set to go out to dinner (Eric, Aaron and I) for pasta and you know I need my cheese tonight. Going out for dinner with Aaron is an experiment as we haven’t for quite some time. (which is a post in itself. )

So today’s lesson is I have an apparent dairy allergy and sugar is the root of all evil.

Tags: Food, health, Lifestyle, Things that make you go hmmm

*This is smut, but it’s something*

The wind is howling tonight and I’m the only one up. It’s on 10:40pm. This is kind of latish for me. Aaron just got to bed maybe 25 minutes ago. How does this happen you ask? We weren’t the one to put hi to bed; my dad was.

Eric and I left the house a little after 6:30pm to take in some free baby sitting a la grandpa. I left verbal instructions, made a bottle, laid out pj’s and ensured that his blanky and soother were in the crib.

When we walked in at 9:50pm Aaron was jumping in his crib with the light on. Part of the verbal instructions were to move his crib away from the wall as he can reach his light. It was moved 4 inches. FAIL. (We have hardwood; it takes little effort to push his crib off the wall, so little Aaron can push it off the wall with his feet)

My dad said 15 minutes prior to us getting home, his light wasn’t on and he was quiet. This makes my mommy radar go hmmm… as all our rooms are on the same level and you can here everything if the doors were open. For some reason my dad puts Aaron to bed with his door open? This isn’t how we put him to bed… My guess my dad was so engrossed in whatever he was doing online he failed to hear his grandson bouncing off the walls. His hearing aint that bad he’s only 53.

All we wanted to do was go downtown have a beer and appies and come home and go to bed. Somehow it was me who got Aaron settled and asleep. I’ve got to stop letting my dad baby sit (he offered for the record we never asked.) There’s letting a kid stay up half an hour past their bed time than 2 hours past… usually I got to bed 2 hours after Aaron but I think I let the howling wind lull me into a peaceful slumber.

Tags: Aaron, bedtime, grandpa, parenting

That’s all I have to bang out s post before Eric gets home from work. When he gets home we’re going for a walk. I am really looking forward to this as the weather, work and appointments hasn’t allowed for us to go for a walk as a family for over a week now. That’s pretty sad if you ask me.

Were going to walk over to the coffee shop I’m going to get a coffee as I am still with a carafe, take Aaron to the park then go for a walk.

I haven’t really been in the mood to post lately. I’ve been feeling kind of down and haven’t had the motivation to post. I’ve started seeing my counselor again and I’m seeing a natural path next week. It’s either a natural path or go back on anti-depressants. I stopped taking them because they gave me bad heart burn. I was to take them with a full meal but would often forget. A stupid reason I know. But they got forgotten. Or more so neglected.

I exercised 3X last week. Then I had a few crappy nights of sleep and lacked the motivation to exercise. My counselor said sometimes you need to make yourself. I know what she means. Hence the walk we’ll be taking shortly. Tomorrow I’ll be going to the gym or doing a boot camp class. I’ve been eating healthy for the most part. Which is more fruits, veggies, salads homemade soups, less processed crap, skim milk etc. My problem is I’m not working days so I lack a routine and Aaron isn’t in school so our schedule is loose.

In the Monday measurements swing of things I am down a pound. I’ll do an update complete with measurements on Monday and make it a bi-weekly installment around here.

Eric will be home shortly. So I’ve got to go.

Tags: life, Weight loss

Apparently today is delurker day… Who knew I didn’t? So if you read here but don’t comment take a minute to say hi. I don’t bite…Unless you want me to.

At the moment I am in a bit of a sleep induced haze as I just woke up. Yes I realize it

is lunch time and I’m feeding my toddler some form of brunch. But seeing how the little guy pretty much dictates my life I sleep around him for the most part.

The little guy was up at 530am for a bottle and didn’t go back to sleep. So we drove Daddy to work so we could have the car and I put him back to bed in hopes he would go back to sleep for a few hours. He slept another 3 hours? And of course I went back to bed. Needless to we I missed torture boot camp class and play group.

I’m not choked up over this. We can hit a mall or Wal-mart this afternoon so Aaron can burn off some energy and I can torture myself this evening at the gym. It’s time to light a fire under my ass and get my day started.

But before I depart if you like beaty products go check out MTM’s contest to win $75 towards Burt’s Bee Products.  Sorry the this contest is only open to Canadians.

This child is driving me nuts. His latest thing is to hit and pinch me provoked or unprovoked. When I say “no” to him for doing something he ought not to that is considered provoked. Today I was laying on the couch and he came at me with a toy and was hitting it and hit me I said we do not hit and he hit me again with a look that is half pout half “I’m about to cry.” I was interacting with him and his toy.

Currently he is in his crib whining.

I don’t know what it is with this boy but something has to be done. It doesn’t matter what tone I say it in, whether I ignore the behavior or not.  My psychology professor in college said to ignore the behavior you don’t like and praise what you do like. Positive reinforcement so they don’t get a reaction out of you. I can’t begin to agree with his as the undesirable behavior needs to be addressed immediately so Aaron learns that  it is unacceptable to hit, pinch etc.

Now he is having a meltdown in his crib. I’m not going to him until he calms down as I am angry and he needs to chill out.

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Today my butt feels like jell-o along with most of my other limbs. I took in a boot camp class yesterday and OMG am I feeling it. I want to go for a nice long walk which reminds me that I left the rain cover in the car. Damn. Maybe we will go for a walk despite the. A little rain never hurt anyone.

A great start to today.

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I’ll be purchasing some new running shoes in the near future. And I am torn. I know I want Asics. I want a good shoe as I haven’t had a new pair in 3-4 years. I’m almost certain of the ones I want. My dilemma is if I should purchase them here in Canada or wait until I go over to Vancouver next and purchase them in the states and save myself about $70. Decisions suck. Should I satisfy my need now or wait a few weeks?